Customer Service di Magnifico

Buddy? I don’t need your money. More money is always better than no money. Sure. But you are the sort of guy who wanted Van Gogh to paint dogs playing pool. Who demanded Joyce put in punctuation and paragraphs before you would read Ulysses and then you still wouldn’t have.

Here’s the thing. We call it patronage because during the renaissance the wealthiest noble house of Europe gave serious life changing amounts of money to creatives so they could create great art. A flow of money from those that had vast sums of money to those who needed money in order to create. But we aren’t in fucking Medieval Florence buddy, and you aren’t the fucking Medicis.

You have confused patronage with patronise.

Patronise is when you exert your ego on folks who won’t and don’t call you on it. Sometimes its because they are just embarrassed… no, actually – seriously – that’s most of the time. Nobody wants you to DEMAND TO SPEAK TO THEIR MANAGER – most creatives don’t have one. Nobody wants you to type back in caps DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM? Because the answer is usually no…

Except…

We do. We all know who you are. Every creative on every forum and every subscriber to every creative blog and every retailer knows who you are.

You are THAT GUY.

None of us refer to you by name of course. That would give you a kind of power that…well, to be Freudian about this… is kind of what you crave. You are just THAT GUY, as in “OMG did you see THAT GUY” to be followed by “Yeah, I know what a sad and entitled ass”. “He backed my game but dropped out angrily after I wouldn’t draw him beheading a unicorn while shouting HOW DO YOU LIKE THEM APPLES DENISE!”

Hey, look… there are groups you can go to. Other entitled Kickstarter backers, bonding over the fact that no creator will accommodate their requests or let them back their products. You’ll have to pay more money post campaign from somebody who actually cares about creators and their rights of course, but its a small price to pay for integrity.

Even if you just want to buy it to burn it. You know, in a fit of self righteous pique.
And if you see Lorenzo the Maginifcent in there, tell him I’m still not repainting the Sistine Chapel with a fresco of him beheading a unicorn while shouting “how do you like them apples Denise”.

Because honestly no amount of money is enough to put up with life sapping bullshit.